


UNCHARTED TERRITORY

by donato



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, emotional angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 12:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donato/pseuds/donato
Summary: A holiday takes a deadly turn.





	UNCHARTED TERRITORY

**Author's Note:**

> ' denotes thought.

Uncharted Territory.

By Donato

Dedicated to my friend. So tragically and cruelly taken far too soon. The world is a sadder and darker place with you gone. I will miss your smile and laughing face. Rest in Peace my friend and know that you will never be forgotten. Forever in our hearts. 

\---

Johnny lay on the bed, head nestled in his clasped hands behind his head. He was staring blankly up at the ceiling. He saw a crack in one corner that he hadn't seen before. It wasn't new but he wasn't really looking at anything in particular as he was just staring blankly at whatever was directly in front of his eyes. Hot tears cascaded down the side of his face and they pooled in his ears. The flow of the tears triggered his nerve endings in his ears and they irritated him but his overwhelming lassitude currently stopped him from rubbing his ears and nullifying the annoying sensations he was getting. 

How long he had lain there like that he didn't know nor did he care. The sun was starting to set and the light was becoming fainter and an early darkness was introducing itself through the naked window. It matched his heart Johnny thought briefly as he acknowledged the growing dimness. Another shuddering sigh escaped him and his hot tears quickly cooled against his skin. He turned his head slightly towards the window and saw snow capped mountains with a backdrop of pink and purple streaks slashed against the darkening sky. Now the tears ran across his face and down his cheeks onto his neck before dropping off into the pillow. He sniffed loudly. There was nobody else here to comment about his manners or lack thereof and that was the problem. He turned his head to look at the empty bed on the other side of the room. The covers hastily pulled up and a slight indent where a head had rested for the last time. A camera, forgotten about in the rush to head out the door, sat on the empty bed. 

A heartbreaking sob, harsh and loud, echoed in the stillness of the room. More fresh tears ran out from Johnny's eyes and words came rushing unbidden into his head. He could hear them as if they had just been freshly spoken. "Damn, I've left my camera behind. Oh, well, it looks like you'll have to take the pictures for both of us today Johnny boy." Then a slap to his shoulder and the sound of snow crunching as his friend skied off with Johnny smiling at his friend's back and then he was moving, sliding on the snow as he set off to join his friend as they headed off piste into uncharted territory. 

That was only yesterday. Twenty four plus something hours. He couldn't be bothered moving his arm to check the time. He didn't need to be doing a countdown for the hours, minutes and seconds even. It wasn't going to change the outcome. Dead was Dead. His friend was dead!

Every time he thought of that fateful moment his heart would shatter into a million pieces. Each piece containing pain which bloomed outward with every breath he took. Another heartbreaking sob amplified the pain in his chest as his heart broke again into a thousand little pieces. 'How many times can your heart break? When and how does it go back together only for it to break a second later?'

Finally the oppressive feeling in the bedroom was getting to him. He sat on the side of the bed. Willed himself not to look at the camera and walked slowly to the other room which was multipurpose. It was a living area with a kitchenette. A wall heater had two pairs of thick woolen socks draped over it. One set his and the other Paul's, his friend. Johnny picked them up. They were stiff dry. He clutched his friend's socks to his chest and hanging his head low cried into them as his heart broke again into a million pieces. He slid against the wall to the floor. His back next to the heater, clutching Paul's socks and crying his eyes out like a little kid. 

He became aware of a persistent knocking on the door and his name being called out. He realized he knew the voice. Dr. Kel Brackett was on the other side. Had Johnny been more emotionally stable and not sleep deprived and grieving, he would have remembered that Kel was coming. Was it only yesterday that he had phoned Rampart and informed Dr Brackett of the loss of one of his resident ER doctors to a skiing accident. He remembered, now that Kel was here, that Kel had said he would see to the paperwork and then come up to deal with whatever had to be done. 

'Oh God!' another shudder shook him. 

Everything was only yesterday. His life had been good, no worries, full of fun and laughter yesterday until his friend fell. Then Fate stepped in and shook his friend's hand and introduced himself. His friend had gotten up and bemoaned the fact that he had lost a ski and now it was gonna take ages to get down from the side of the mountain. They were a high way up and both men felt reassured that Paul could manage as he was an experienced skier. Johnny had skied over to his friend's side when his friend fell again and slipped a bit more towards the edge of the slope they were on. A quick tingle of fear skittered across Johnny's chest when he saw his friend fall and slip closer to the edge of the cliff. Fate had brought his friend Death along to join the party.

“Come on, let's get you up and off this slope, you're getting to close to the edge there man.”

Paul had laughed and then no sooner had he stretched out his hand for Johnny to help pull him up than he started to slide again. Gaining momentum. Sliding away from him. Gouges from his poles left in the ice where he had been. A loud scream as his friend went over the edge. Then nothing. Just one solitary man on the slope and no friend. Death had said Hello.

Blue sky. White snow cradled in among jagged cliffs. The sun up high. Chair lifts in the distance. Snow capped trees. Quietness. Nothing changed. Everything changed. Pounding chest. Shock and fear.

The scream stopped.  
Time stopped.  
Heart stopped.  
Breathing stopped.  
Life stopped.  


Tick..... no tock.

Realization crashing into his consciousness in a full frontal body slamming impact. 'What just happened? Can't be! PAUL!'

“Paul, PAUL, PAUL!!” 'Yell louder. He can't hear you. Need to know he's alright.' “ PAUL!!!”

'Don't panic. Get help.' Skis moving quickly, recklessly. Breathing harsh and fast, lungs hurting. 'God, don't fall too. You gotta get help. Paul, please be okay. Oh Dear God. Why didn't you answer me Paul. So not funny. Don't be hurt. Don't be dead. Please don't be dead. Dear God, I'll go to church every day. I'll....I'll try to be a better person, just please, please let my friend be OK. Shit, SHIT, SHIT!!'

That was all yesterday. Died instantly they said. Fell several hundred meters to his death on jagged cliff and hard compacted snow. Oh dear GOD! Sometimes it didn't pay to know about the softness and fragility of the human body. No competition who'd win. Cliff 1, Human 0!

'Gonna be sick. Don't think about it, imagination worse than reality. Yeah, but you've picked up jumpers before. Their bodies just a crumpled broken shell of who they were. Stop it, STOP IT. Think happy thoughts. Stop thinking of the fall, Stop it. Don't think of anything.' 

No turning back the clock. No wishing on shooting stars. No waving a magic wand. Too many No's. No Paul. No Life left. Time all used up.

'I don't know what to do. I can't stay in this room and yet I can't go outside with people laughing and joking. Their life goes on and mine is in suspended animation, on hiatus, stopped the moment my friend went over the edge. Two people died on that mountain yesterday.'

Snow boots stopped in front of his crouched body. His voice felt alien even to him. “Paul ?” Had this all been a terrible mistake, a nightmare. God, it felt so real. A sliver of relief and then a thunderbolt of pain as he realized it wasn't Paul but Kel in the room. Standing, no crouching in front of him. His worried blue eyes looking directly at him. 'Nowhere to hide. Tears like rivers down my face, snot hanging from my nose and not a handkerchief in sight. What a picture I make.' Feeling suddenly self conscious in front of his friend, his boss. 

“Johnny, it's alright. Everything will be alright. Let's get you up from there.”

'No it won't be alright, Doc. I just lost my friend yesterday. Only yesterday. I don't know what to do. He was so young. Such a waste. Just finished six years studying to be a doctor. Had his whole life ahead of him and now it's gone. He's gone. Help me Doc. I'm in a hostile environment. Uncharted territory. What do I do to get out of it? No map, no trail to follow.'

“That's right, lean on me. I'm here to help ya, Johnny.” 

Death Day plus two or D Day as he started to call it as it sounded less horrific. That was how Johnny was counting the days. Others would call it Tuesday. Day three wasn't any easier than day two. He still wore a living cloak of grief and it was leeching the colour out of the day, the warmth out of the sun, the life out of his body. He went through the motions and did what was required of him. He slept, he ate, he answered questions and he cried when he was alone. His depth of despair sinking more each day as the realities of death pervaded his very being. In his quieter moments when his mind was clear enough to think he found a surprising emotion which he hadn't expected. He was angry. Angry that his friend was gone and angry that he had died in such a horrific way.

Dr Brackett took a lot of the strain off Johnny's shoulders. He helped with the officials and met Paul's parents at the airport. He drove them back to the Resort and escorted them up to their room. Two floors above Johnny's. 

D Day plus three was a nightmare. Johnny met Paul's parents and told them about their son's last few days. He stammered through D Day and the accident. His heart was so broken and he knew every word he said was breaking the parent's hearts too. He felt like he was torn in two. If he looked closely he was sure he would see his soul escaping. He felt dead inside. 

D Day plus four and Johnny was ensconced into the front seat of the hired car while Kel loaded the boot with luggage. One last look at the mountain that took his friend. He wanted to slap it's face. Yell at it. Scream abuse at it. Sue it. Never see it again. Burn the memory from his mind. Never set foot on it again. Run to it and pull his friend back from the brink. A loud sob left his lips and the tears checked unnoticed down his face as the car pulled away. 

Los Angeles was warm and the sun was shining brightly. It was Paul's birthday. D day plus 63. He went hiking in the mountains and sat up on a ledge where they had gone hiking twice before. His heart still ached but it held together now when he thought of his friend. Think of him he did. Often. 

He missed his smile, his laughter, his sense of adventure, his company. He was fun to be with and really great to know. A silent lone tear trickled down his face and he wiped it away. Raising his head into the warmth he said a prayer for his friend and then watched as an eagle circled overhead and then swooped down towards him. He could almost touch it, feel the change in the air current as the wings glided through, passing him by. Then the eagle soared high into the sky and flew into the sun disappearing from view. 

Sitting on that ledge watching the eagle brought about an epiphany to Johnny.

His friend was home. 

Johnny would always remember Paul as that's what friends do. They remember and carry their friends in their heart until they meet again. “Be happy in Heaven, Paul. Know that you are loved and you are remembered."

The End


End file.
